That subject has been on my mind for, well, about 4 1/2 years now. When Bob and I started talking about creating a family it was something that we discussed. Both his mother and mine were "stay-at-home-moms" for a portion of our childhood. And as they went back to work, it was on a part-time basis etc. We both feel very strongly that it is in the best interest of a child or children that one parent be home.
This is a very sensitive topic. Even putting it that way is like saying a grenade is a "very sensitive weapon". One wrong move and the whole place can go up. You hear things from both sides. From the work side: "We can't afford for me to stay home." "I would go crazy if I had to stay at home all day." "I sure wish that I could have stayed at home when my kids were little." And from the moms who are home: "They grow so quickly." "I don't want other people raising my children." "When I'm gone my employer won't remember the time that I put in, but my kids will."
All situations are different. I whole-heartedly believe that. Some families HAVE to have two incomes to make it work. At all. To put food on the table and keep a roof overhead. But some families can make cutbacks to make it work. But often times that means giving up some of the things that one has become accustomed to when living on two paychecks. Things like dinner out, cable TV, two cell phones, new anything, quick weekend get-away trips...other things that before didn't seem like a big deal, but quickly fall by the wayside when every. single. dollar. counts.
It is something that I have been struggling with. When working it is so easy to say, "I can't wait to not work anymore! To be able to stay at home all day and be with my child? What could possibly be any better?" And most days that is very true. I cannot even begin to imagine getting up at 4:30 so that I have time to get myself ready to face the day and leave enough time to get Etta up and going to have her to child care by 6:40ish so that I can be to work at 6:45 and then pick her up at 4:00 (on a good day) and come home and take care of everything else that has to be taken care of. But then there are days when I drive by "my" school and "my" classroom when I do miss it. Going someplace else to do something that makes me feel good. And I can't say that it isn't hard to watch my husband further his education with a master's degree, be selected to present at an All-Northwest Convention to present groundbreaking work that he is doing in the field of music assessment, and continually impress co-workers, parents and community members with the amazing work that he is doing. Especially when he is trying to organize his calender and appearances while I am making a casserole for a church dinner. (Which I had the wrong weekend for anyway...) [Side note - Bob and I have talked about this, so I am not airing dirty laundry to everyone but him.]
And it is a struggle. I think that it is basic human nature. I am not saying that one way is better than the other. Or that people that stay at home are better mothers than those who work. Or that the children of stay at home moms are smarter, better behaved, more respectful etc. Every situation is different.
Why am I going on and on about this? In my disjointed, non-English major, flighty way? I was told yesterday that staying at home beyond my one year leave of absence was a TERRIBLE idea. And that it would be a total waste of my college education. It kind of got under my skin a little bit. It's true, times are tight right now. It may be easier if I was contributing financially at the same extent that I have been in the past. But you know what? I'm probably not going to go back. Well, actually, I am not going to go back. So for all of you who may have been wondering (or for those of you who don't care, even one little bit) there is your answer. I want to find other ways to make it work. Ways that I can be at home with Etta (and other future little Wicks') and not have to drive myself crazy trying to be the perfect woman. The woman who can do all and be all to everyone. I am not that kind of woman. For those that are now wondering, I am going to try to expand my lesson studio (in an actual studio space downtown) so that while I am teaching lessons Bob can be with the kids. (And I'm NOT pregnant!) I taught my first Sunday of children's church yesterday and truly loved it. We are living a pretty simple life right now and are on the constant look out to make it even more simple.
God is awesome. He is incredible. He is making it work for us right now. The first sermon that our pastor gave in 2009 talked about resolutions. That sometimes making a resolution isn't about giving up bad habits, that it is about giving up "good" things. Things that you like. Things that make you feel good. Because sometimes God has a plan that doesn't follow your heart's desire. Sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone to allow God to guide you and work in your life. I am taking that step and have faith that God is going to lead our family to wonderful things. It may not be a paved path and there may be major potholes along the way, but He will lead us through.
So - is it better to work or stay at home? That is something that you need to look inside your own heart and decide.
